Know Thyself – 5 Keys to Improved Communications and Relationships

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.” — Tao Te Ching

If you can heighten self awareness of your own communications, you can increase the effectiveness of your interactions with other people.  Use these strategies to leverage knowledge about yourself.

1. Knowing yourself increase your ability to anticipate your behaviors

Do you tend to talk too much? Too little?  Are you overly cool or too social at work?  All of us have behavioral tendencies – they’re part of our personality.   But, if our behaviors are too extreme or inappropriate, they become self-defeating.  If you know yourself, you can anticipate how you will probably respond to upcoming situations.  If you anticipate that your behaviors will be successful, great!  If you’re worried that you might fall back into self defeating behaviors or not achieve the outcomes you seek, you’ve given yourself the opportunity to adjust.

2. Focus attention on other people so you gain clues about them

If you know yourself and accept yourself, you will have more energy to focus on colleagues, staff, customers, bosses, and other significant people.  Paying close attention to how other people communicate enables you to know them better, anticipate their preferences, and gain awareness of their communication style.  Sometimes you only get few clues, especially in new or quick communications.  But, people are always transmitting something about themselves.  Pay attention!  Listen! Observe!

3. Adapt yourself appropriately to the situation

The combination of self awareness plus attention to others enables you to adapt.  Maybe you’re feeling very fatigued but you’re meeting with a high energy person.  Rather than inadvertently convey a lack of enthusiasm, pluck up, demonstrate that you care, use vibrant language, and come to conclusion swiftly.  You’re in, you’re out and you’ve retained an ally.  Move onto something less demanding to recoup your energy.  Successful communicators put other people’s needs ahead of their own.  Respond to others in a way that makes them want to say, “Yes! I like working with you.”

4. Monitor and restrain yourself

One of the blessings of knowing yourself is that you can catch yourself doing something wrong before it is too late.  If the boring staff meetings drive you to distraction, be aware of communications that could cause more harm than good.  Strategize and plan what behaviors you DO want to use.  Don’t lose control of yourself.  Don’t lose others’ trust. Monitor your tone, your content, and your nonverbal communications.

5. Use your strengths wisely

Knowing yourself increases your ability to use your strengths wisely and widely. Step up when your communication style supports your team, retains a grouchy customer, or overcomes obstacles. Strengths tend to come naturally to us so they should be at your fingertips.  Let others lean on you.  In return, you’ll be able to lean on them some day.  Hone your strengths.  Strive to be outstanding in areas where you are already very good.

The “Communication Feedback: Know Thyself” workshop has encouraged thousands of participants to study their own style of communications and learn skills to interact effectively with others.  Kaye Sullivan has taught these concepts to executives, teams, and employees at all levels. Contact her for more information, customized workshops, or questions at ksullivan@ptcteam.com.

Helping Groups Make Decisions – Facilitation Skills Part 4 of 4

Rather than write about specific decision making processes, I’m going to describe five categories of decision making. These categories offer a framework within which specific processes can be applied.

Convenience – A convenience decision is one that is expedient with the least effort spent making the decision. For example, lunch arrangements for your meeting. If a caterer has a good reputation with your client, stick with what works and don’t sweat the details.

What are some topics you group can handle readily? Sometimes it helps to load up the front end of a session with simpler decisions to help a group see that it is already making progress. Use convenience decisions to avoid bogging down a group’s progress.

Consult – Sometimes groups need advice before they can move forward. They may lack knowledge, technical expertise, awareness of past practices, or input from a trusted source.  Consultative decisions also mean that advice will be listened to, but not necessary followed. In the end, the group will make its own decision after weighing input from other sources.

Be sure to ask your group if they have all the information and authority they need to make a decision. Suggest the option of consulting with an expert and reviewing additional information.

Control – This “C” means the final decision is in someone else’s authority, not the group. Your group may need to accept that they do not have the authority to make a decision.  A group may decide to present information or advice to another party while realizing the final outcome is up to someone else.

Don’t allow groups to waste time on decisions where they do not have control. Help them accept these limitations and move on to topics where they can make decisions.

Consensus – In its simplest application, consensus means broad agreement among a group.  Often this comes down to a practical outcome that is supported by the majority, but not necessarily one’s first choice. In its strictest application, full consent means 100% of the members are in full agreement. This second definition requires in depth, open, and honest discussion to assure that everyone truly agrees and does not feel coerced into agreeing.

As a facilitator, be cautious that seeming agreement is true agreement. This is especially true if subordinates feel they must conform to their bosses’ point of view. Pent up feelings of coercion will work against the final decision over time. If you choose to use consensus, be sure your group defines what this approach means to them.

Counting  – Majority rules is a fundamental rule of governance in our country and it can be an effective approach for any group. Consider taking tentative votes to discern how close or far apart a group is on issues. Or, ask each individual, “if you had to vote right now, how would you lean?” to get a grasp of member’s position. If issues are highly sensitive, use a confidential process to vote.

Don’t rush to the voting process when topics require thoughtful debate. Conversely, when time is up, participants are frazzled, or discussion is repetitive, move to a decisive ending and conduct a vote.

If a group’s ground rules have identified how they will make decisions, they will not be surprised by the process. Keep in mind that if the decisions were obvious, neither the group nor you, the facilitator, would be attending this meeting. Expect different opinions and be prepared with many options to resolve differences.

On April 16, I’ll be speaking about handling the challenge of being a facilitator at the Northern Rockies ASTD meeting. Anyone can attend and the fee includes a great lunch along with a friendly crowd of trainers. ASTD is the American Society of Training and Development. Click the link for more information and registration astd northern rockies chapter.

Kaye Sullivan is a trainer, coach, and consultant who works with teams of all kinds. Contact her for assistance with your facilitation needs.

The Importance Of Ground Rules – Part 3 of 4

I just cannot say enough about the importance of establishing ground rules for every group. Group rules define the processes by which groups will make decisions, communicate with each other, and the general decorum of everyone’s behavior while working together.

For smoothly functioning groups, the rules may simply confirm common practices. “Everyone has an equal vote.” “We will start and end on time.” For dysfunctional groups, the ground rules need to address issues of respectful communication and how disagreements will be handled. “No interrupting others.” “Consider everyone’s input before making a final decision.

Ground rules help keep overly talkative or pushy people under control and create a presence for quieter members. Setting ground rules is also a way of being expedient. “Remember, we already agreed that we would handle differences this way.” Do not wait for a volcano to erupt before the group decides how it wants to handle complex issues. Establish a norm and reinforce it.

Setting ground rules in the beginning teaches a group that they can handle and resolve disagreements. This modeling of success can be very useful when larger problems emerge.  The complexity of the rules and the time invested to develop them should reflect the nature and goals of the group.

When a group develops its own rules, it is more likely to follow them plus take responsibility for enforcing them. To get things rolling, sometimes a facilitator can start with some sample rules, then have the group expand and add their own ideas.

Investing time up front to wrangle through these issues will eliminate many downstream problems. In part, the discussion about ground rules reveals how similar or far apart are member’s approach to solving problems. In part, it is getting the cards out on the table where concerns are openly identified and discussed. Be alert to resistors, minority members, novice workers and manage their roles appropriately.

Even when ground rules seem implicit because the group is already established, it is worth the time to review their agreements. Just because things are written in some manual or contract doesn’t mean the group read them or that they will be helpful to this group.

Reminding people of what they have already agreed to sets a tone for collaboration, respect, and inclusion.Finally, “rules” are not meant to be punishing. They are meant to establish norms that allow groups to function smoothly. They avoid getting derailed about process when significant items are at hand.

Don’t skimp on defining the ground rules. They will serve you well!

On April 16, I’ll be speaking about handling the challenge of being a facilitator at the Northern Rockies ASTD meeting. Anyone can attend and the fee includes a great lunch along with a friendly crowd of trainers. ASTD is the American Society of Training and Development. Click the link for more information and registration astd northern rockies chapter.

Kaye Sullivan can help your team, group, or organization move ahead. Contact her for facilitation, training, or coaching.

Preparing Yourself – Facilitation Skills 2 of 4

As my parents used to advise me before a big test, the best thing you can do is get a good night of sleep before the sessions you facilitate. You need to be mentally at ease concerning your own problems, mentally tough about the session’s goals and agenda, and mentally ready to attend to the emotions of a full group of people.

Facilitating is not about YOU. Your presence, your words, your guidance are vehicles to help others accomplish something. You want to be 100% other oriented. Put your stressors aside and get ready to concentrate on the people in front of you. (Actually it can be stress relieving to focus on other people’s problems instead of your own!)

To get to a state of serenity, I encourage you to spend the day before doing some things that relax you. This might be doing mundane work chores that don’t drain your brain. You might seek some alone time where you can be quiet with yourself. Don’t forget the importance of your daily routines including proper exercise and diet.

Know your agenda items and schedule cold. Keep that agenda in front of you at all times so you can refer to it and remind the group about it, as necessary. Have a game plan of what the group should be doing at each point in the session. Take a small clock with you to keep track of the time if your watch or cell phone don’t display the time in a useable way.

Put on a mental arm band of neutrality. Don’t take sides. Don’t speak up for one decision versus another. Do not display allegiance to one participant over another. Your role is an unbiased guide that concentrates on the “process” of helping people move forward, not the results. In other words, you don’t care what they decide, as long as they make a thoughtful, well-informed decision!

Create a “what if” or Plan B that provides you with handy process alternatives. If one decision making approach doesn’t work, what else will you try? If you have to sacrifice any agenda item, what would it be? Identify your group leaders that are your “go to” people to make adjustments to the agenda or schedule, if needed.

Realize in advance, that no one can please all the people all the time. In your facilitator role, it is not about making friends or even pleasing people, but accomplishing some task. In the end, if some people are less satisfied with your approach than others, that is life. Arrive at the meeting with confidence in your capabilities.

Be prepared to let go. Most groups need to become self-directed or managed by their own members.  Your goal is to enable and encourage this capacity. When the group is ready or when time is up, be ready to walk away. Dis-engage thoughtfully and know when it is time for you to move on.

Kaye Sullivan facilitates teams, groups, and training sessions. Contact her for assistance with your tough learners and dysfunctional teams. 30 years experience and still loving it!

On April 16, I’ll be speaking about handling the challenge of being a facilitator at the Northern Rockies ASTD meeting. Anyone can attend and the fee includes a great lunch along with a friendly crowd of trainers. ASTD is the American Society of Training and Development. Click the link for more information and registration astd northern rockies chapter.

Facilitation Skills Basics Part 1 of 4

Facilitators of learning and group process face many challenges.  Often, a facilitator does not know how participants or a group will react to the subject matter, strategies, or group members. Will they be responsive? Will they attack each other? Will they follow your guidance? In many cases, the facilitator has not met the participants before they are strangers to the facilitator and vice versa.

In a short amount of time, you must earn a group’s trust, adapt their lingo, keep the group focused on the goals at hand, pay attention to the emotional tone of each person, watch the clock, stick to the agenda, and monitor group activities. You must be prepared to spontaneously offer alternative interventions if plan A doesn’t work.

If groups could function effectively on their own, they would not need an outside facilitator. Thus, you can assume that every group seeking a facilitator has a problem and probably more than one.  In optimal circumstances, you will uncover the problems or at least the main ones before you arrive to work with the group. Even then, you should be prepared for additional issues or hidden items to emerge in the midst of the session.

When you can help a dysfunctional group move forward, the satisfaction is tremendous. When recalcitrant learners decide to engage, you are thrilled to have reached them. The emotional highs and lows for a facilitator are huge.

Each facilitator has his or her own style and unique skills that contribute to their effectiveness. It is not a cookie cutter process because what works for one person may not fit another person or group. This is a job where one is always learning from both successes and failures.

A blog cannot begin to cover all the things a facilitator needs to know.  But, this four part series addresses some key factors including:

• Part 2 – Prepare Yourself
• Part 3 – The Importance of Ground Rules
• Part 4 – Helping Groups Make Decisions

Kaye Sullivan is a veteran trainer and facilitator. If your group or team needs an unbiased facilitator, contact her at ksullivan@ptcteam.com. Read more about the services provided at www.ptcteam.com.

On April 16, I’ll be speaking about handling the challenge of being a facilitator at the Northern Rockies ASTD meeting. Anyone can attend and the fee includes a great lunch along with a friendly crowd of trainers. ASTD is the American Society of Training and Development. Click the link for more information and registration astd northern rockies chapter.

30 Year Anniversary Reflections of a Small Business Owner

February 28, 2013 marks the official thirty year celebration of the incorporation of our management consulting business, Performance Training Corporation. Little did we know the adventures ahead when we signed the legal documents way back then.

Over the years we have conducted hundreds of training workshops, consulted with teams in crises, facilitated construction partnering, coached folks with communication challenges, designed over thirty original workshops, and managed the day-to-day operations of a small business. Whew!

People become entrepreneurs thinking they will focus on their expertise, such as training in our case.  While this is accurate, you also discover that you better become competent in marketing, sales, website development, supply ordering, customer service, accounting, taxes, and more. There’s no IT department to call when your computer doesn’t work.  Being a small business owner is a continuous learning challenge.

The greatest joy in our business are the people we meet. Often, these are folks who have problems.  Some can’t get along with their teammates.  Some have been sent to us by HR. Fortunately, some clients just want to learn and improve their skill set.

It is our job to help them find a way through these problems. When they make progress, we rejoice in their growth.  Our clients have also taught us many things. In some cases, they have become colleagues and friends who care about us as much as we care about them.

We are the classic American mom and pop shop, just two of us doing everything. I am proud to report that we are a rare couple who has been married and managed our consulting company together for thirty years now. Most people tell us they couldn’t work with their spouse. Do we have our disagreements? Of course.  But underlying all the years of work is respect, trust and endless support. It’s not such a bad business model!

30 YEARS! WHEE HA!

How To Cope With DiSC Personalities Just Like Mine

Everything DiSC Workplace

In general, people with similar DiSC* patterns tend to have smoother interactions because both people go about tasks using similar methods.   Yet, two people’s personality similarities can also be a barrier.  Remember how magnets work?  Likes repel.  In a similar way, personalities can repel or at least struggle with each other.

*DiSC is a personality assessment that includes four main styles: Dominance, Influence, Steadiness, and Conscientiousness.

Often the reason behind such troublesome relationships is that two people with similar personalities have similar needs.  If the needs cannot be met for both people, then someone will be left out.  These unmet needs are often unrecognized and unspoken.

The Influence personality, for example, likes to be the center of attention, receive frequent praise from the boss, and be publicly recognized for a job well done.  If the boss rarely offers accolades, an employee with a high I may compete with other I’s and see them as getting in the way of receiving the boss’ attention.

Dominance types can compete over plum assignments, or work accomplishments, or finishing faster.  Conscientiousness folks can get frustrated with other C’s methods or focus of perfection.  Even the calm Steadiness people don’t always work best together.  S relationships can suffer from a sense of too much giving and not enough receiving support.

The key to managing these issues is to find alternative ways for similar needs to be met.  When D’s take time to set mutually agreed upon goals, it means both are action focused on the same outcome.  I’s can often discover many ways to get positive feedback through their vast network of contacts and activities.  Being proactive in seeking new ways for needs to be fulfilled eliminates the stress of an either/or scenario.

Sometimes it helps to see the bigger picture.  For example, two C’s disagreeing over the methods used to accomplish a task could agree that both approaches work, rather than wrestling to agree on just one best answer.  S’s can shift their focus from relationships to tasks to move beyond an impasse.  D’s need to compete with other organizations, not with fellow co-workers.

If the work environment offers insufficient resources, then some needs may have to be satisfied away from work through social, political, volunteer, or family activities.

Like conflict in any relationship, working to improve it can yield much greater satisfaction at work.  You may be surprised to learn that someone with a personality similar to yours understands exactly how you feel and is ready to settle relationship differences now!

Read more about DiSC personality application and buy DiSC products on-line from Performance Training Corporation at www.ptcteam.com or call for information 303-526-2370.

Kaye Sullivan is an authorized distributor of DISC assessments and instructional materials as well as other learning resources from Inscape Publishing.  A facilitator of interpersonal workshops for thirty years, Kaye provides strategies for handling challenging work relationships.